All around me, people use the word retarded without a second thought. Sometimes, I’ll say “Um, dude, really?” and they’ll say “Oops, my bad! But really! I was being so retarded!”
Sometimes, I let it slide. I realize that it’s a word that’s ingrained in our society’s vocabulary and people use it without a second thought to its meaning.
But what does it mean to be retarded? Well, I know what it doesn’t mean.
It doesn’t mean not being able to choose something for lunch despite 100 choices in front of you.
It doesn’t mean not being able to find your car keys.
It doesn’t mean saying the wrong thing to a person.
It doesn’t mean forgetting your best friend’s birthday.
It’s not something to describe yourself as when you’ve spilled your coffee, or tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.
It’s not something to describe your computer, car or phone.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary the word “retarded” means -
: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress
For me, it’s not just any old word – it’s my daughter. My beautiful, bright, happy, loving, amazing daughter who is slow or limited in intellectual development and academic progress.
In our household, being retarded means something different.
It means not being able to fully care for yourself.
It means not understanding what the doctor is going to do to you.
It means not being able to explain what hurts when something hurts.
It means not being able to ride a two wheeler. Or read. Or ever be able to live on your own.
But ever the optimist, I also know that retarded means…
…never realizing the negativity behind the word retarded.
…never knowing the insensitivity surrounded the word’s usage.
…never realizing the ignorance of people.
…never knowing how other people view you.
Being retarded also means…
…loving unconditionally.
…finding joy in the smallest of things.
…being self-confident.
…not realizing that there are limitations.
…innocence.
This is Maura. Her diagnosis? Cognitively disabled. Which means retarded. When you call yourself retarded, you’re also calling my child stupid. Because you use the word as just that – another form of stupid.
Let’s get something straight here.
My daughter may have cognitive issues. She may have delays. She may never live on her own. Scratch that. She will never live on her own.
But Maura is not stupid.
In her own way, Maura is very smart. Maybe smarter than us at times. She has more self-confidence than anyone I know who’s called themselves “retarded”. She is the best judge of a person’s character than anyone else I’ve ever known.
Yes, she is slow to learn things. But she is not stupid.
I know that most people don’t use the word “retarded” maliciously. Most people I know use it in a self-depreciating way. And when I point it out, they go “Oh wow! I’m sorry!” and they truly feel like a heel. But the thing is, you’re still using it in the way that people who do use it maliciously use it as – to describe stupidity.
So why not just use the word “stupid” instead? Because I know what “retarded” is. I live with it in the form of my daughter. And in our world “retarded” doesn’t equate to “stupid”.
5 January 2012 – feel free to read this companion post, which helps explain more of the “behind the scenes” view of this post – thanks!
From:S.I. Focus Magazine's E-Newsletter....
Did You See "60 Minutes" on Oct. 23rd?
Take 13 minutes and watch an amazing story of how the iPad is helping individuals with autism communicate. For years we have used picture boards and various devices to enhance the communication skills of people who struggle to communicate, but the iPad is engaging people with autism in a unique way.
Amazingly timely, was the release of a new book, Apps for Autism, with 200 apps reviewed and catalogued by a speech pathologist to help us find the right apps for the right person. Find out more below in our "Resources" section.
For the "60 Minutes" report and video.
Autistic people whose condition prevents them from speaking are making breakthroughs with the help of tablet computers and special applications that allow them to communicate, some for the first time. Lesley Stahl reports.
But in the early 1980s, neuroscientist Michael Merzenich, now a professor emeritus of neuroscience at the University of California San Francisco, showed through his research that the brain is plastic. In other words, the brain can alter itself depending on environmental input.
The real?life implications of this are several and varied. For instance, it means that the brain can regenerate itself after a neurological injury. Other research has found that stress?reduction practices like meditation help the brain reorganize.
Recently, Dr. Merzenich and his Brain Plasticity Inc. have begun to test whether brain training can help war veterans who have suffered traumatic brain injuries. The idea, says Dr. Merzenich, is to use software to help damaged or sluggish brains to perform better and better until they've regained most of their cognitive ability. Sort of like physical therapy for someone who is paralyzed, but this time it's for the brain.
The initial results of Dr. Merzenich's study have been encouraging. The bigger application of this idea, though, is more exciting. it means that we can train our brains to prevent the onset of neurological diseases like Alzheimer's. Below is Dr. Merzenich's list of everyday things you can do to keep your brain fit.
Exercise Your Peripheral Vision
Actively challenging your peripheral vision improves brain performance and helps you navigate the world safely.
Recent studies shows that drivers stay on the road longer and have fewer accidents after actively training their useful field of view.
Memorize A Song
Developing better habits of careful listening will help your ability to understand, think and remember.
Reconstructing the song requires close attentional focus and an active memory.
When you focus, you release brain chemicals like the neurotransmitter acetylcholine that enable plasticity and vivifies memory.
1Learn To Play A New Instrument
Playing an instrument helps you exercise many interrelated dimensions of brain function, including listening, control of refined movements and translation of written notes (sight) to music (movement and sound).
Don't Rely On Crossword Puzzles And Sudoku
Heavy crossword players show the same rate of cognitive decline as people who do few crossword puzzles.
Turn Down The Volume On Your Television
Think of this: You can't get rid of radio static by turning up the volume. Many people raise the volume because their listening has become "detuned" ?? a little fuzzy.
Matching TV volume to a conversational level can help you catch every word when talking with others.
Reacquaint Yourself With The Ball
Practice throwing and catching a ball up in the air.
People who master these kinds of sensory?guided movement activities can hone their brains' visual, tactile and hand?eye coordination responses, with widespread positive impacts for the brain.
This type of activity has been shown in MRI studies to thicken parts of the brain's cortex.
Learn To Use Your 'Other Hand'
If you're right?handed, use your left hand for daily activities (or vice?versa) like brushing your teeth and eating.
Doing such activities can drive your brain to make positive changes.
Think of millions of neurons learning new tricks as you finally establish better control of that other hand!
Choose Bumpy Surfaces
Walking on bumpy surfaces, such as cobblestones, improves the vestibular system of the inner ear, which plays a central role in balance and equilibrium.
Cobblestone walking challenges the vestibular system in ways that improve its function, which translates into better balance ?? the key to preventing serious injuries.
Make A Jigsaw Puzzle
Mentally rotating the shape of each piece in your head helps brain fitness.
Become A Child Again
Start paying attention to the physical world around you. Start noticing things and make an active effort to find new details even in a familiar situation.
When you stop learning, your brain stops growing.
Posted by Marianne under Blog tagged acceptance, ADHD, Advocacy, ASD, Aspergers, autism, Bipolar, cerebral palsy, child medication, CSE, disabled, educators, gossip, guidance counselors, IEP, Ignorance, kindness, mental illness, Neurodiversity, non verbal, parenting, parents, PTA, schizophrenia, school administrators, self esteem in teens, special education, special needs, stigma, tourette syndrome, tourettes | 78 Comments
To Whom it May Concern,
I am the parent of a special needs child. I was overwhelmed, confused, heart broken and struggling to unravel the complexities before me.
Please do not pass judgement of me without knowing why I did not attend the school PTA breakfasts or community picnics. Please take a few minutes to understand why I did not take you up on your offer to have lunch or grab a cup of coffee. Although we see each other in the supermarket or at school functions, I don’t think you really ever knew me, actually, I can guarantee that you did not know me because just as my child was different, so was I.
I was in survival mode to keep my family in tact and to give my child the best quality of life possible.
I was presented with parental decisions that have torn me apart and kept me up more nights than I can possibly remember.
I had spent most days of the week at therapy and doctors appointments and most nights up researching treatments and medication options.
I was forced into isolation at times due to the stigma and misconceptions that are epidemic in our society.
I became proficient at prioritizing my life and learning to let the little things go, to look at others with compassion instead of tabloid material and to turn a blind eye to the stares or ignorant comments.
I did the best I could.
I survived.
I am one of the lucky ones, my child has blossomed and has exceeded all our expectations.
I have now become strong, I have become confident and I have become a fierce advocate for parents of special needs children. The growth did not come without much pain and many tears but it came.
So I ask you, please
The next time you see a parent struggling with a raging child, a child terrified to go into school, a child making odd movements or sounds, a child that seems to be in a world of their own… .Be kind. Give a smile of recognition for what that parent is going through. Ask if there is anything you can do to help, give them a pat on the hand or offer for them to go ahead of you on line.
The next time you have a birthday party for your child remember that their child has a hard time with a lot of sensory issues and social situations. Please send their child that invitation and know that more times than not they will not be able to attend but appreciate being included. Understand that in order for their child to go to the party they may need to stay for a little while and please make them feel welcome. When they let you know that their child cannot make the party consider inviting that child for a one on one playdate or an outing at the park.
The next time you are grading homework papers please understand that their child struggles, some with learning disabilities others with the exhaustion of their disorders or the obsession with perfectionism. The Perfectionism is not necessarily to have the answers right but to have it “feel” right for them. They have spent hours doing what most can do in ten minutes. A paper returned with red circles and comments only hurts a child’s self esteem and causes school anxiety. Please understand that when they see the school come up on their caller ID their hearts sink, remember to tell them about all the gains their children are making as well as their deficits. Take a minute before that call and know that they appreciate all you do and want a collaborative relationship in their child’s education.
The next time you are in the teachers lounge, please do not discuss their child. Please do not make negative comments about their parenting or their child’s behavior, it gets back to them and it gets back to other parents in their community.
The next time you pass the cafeteria and see their child sitting alone please consider inviting that child to eat lunch in your classroom and be your helper that period. Consider working with guidance counselor to set up a lunch buddy group in a different area.
The next time they are at the CSE meeting planning their chid’s IEP know that they are educated, informed and confident knowing special education law. Know that they have found the courage to stand up to conformity and will explore every option to give their child the differentiated educated that will show their gifts and not just their disabilities. Understand that educating a child with special needs is one of the most difficult tasks a parent can face, know that the last thing they want is an adversarial relationship. Please show them the same respect they show you.
The next time you are creating an educational plan please take into consideration that their child may have specific interests or obsessions. Foster those interests, instead of taking away that art class for a resource class consider adding an art class instead. Think outside the box, these parents do.
The next time you see that child in a wheelchair unable to speak or control their movements, don’t stare, don’t look away, say hello. Do not assume that because this child is nonverbal that they are not intelligent or do not understand the awkwardness that you feel. Take a moment out of your day to show kindness, support a parent enduring incredible pain and just give them a smile.
The next time your child comes home telling you how Johnny or Susie is so weird, take the time to teach about differences. Take the time to talk about compassion, acceptance and special needs. Please remember that your child learns from you. Be a role model, mirror respect and discourage gossip.
The next time you hear a comment about how out of style these kids are, educate about tactile sensitivities and the fact that these kids cannot tolerate many textures and fits. Imagine what it would feel like to have sandpaper in your stilettos or tight elastic holding on your tie.
The next time you see an out of control child do not assume it is bad parenting. Understand that many of these disorders have an organic basis, are biological and are real illnesses. When you hear the word mental illness, take out the “mental” and remember ”illness”.
Know that it is this generation that can stomp the stigma and create a world of acceptance.
The next time other parents are talking about “Those Kids” be our heroes, stand up for us.
The next time you see a special needs child know they are not just special in their needs but in their brilliance as well.
Take the time to meet our children. Take the time to know us.
AFTER POST: Thank you for the tremendous response to this writing and requests to post or share on your blogs, websites or educator sites. Feel free to copy in its exact form and use author credits to comply with copyright.
Bal-A-Vis-X can be hard to understand sometimes. This news report on one school using Bal-A-Vis-X gives a good overview and what a difference it can make for students. If you would like more information on how we can bring Bal-A-Vis-X into your school please get in touch with us today.